My Voice
I took this picture for the chair prompt week, and didn’t post it. Not because it wasn’t ready, or it didn’t fit the theme, but because I was having a mini wobble about my photos and their suitability for Sinful Sunday. The truth is, I looked at everyone else’s amazing work and I didn’t feel I measured up.
Someone must have nominated me for the sex blog awards, because I was on the list. I saw my name there and I felt immediately like an imposter. I write about sex sometimes, mostly in the context of disability (not super sexy), but my images are generally just nudes. I don’t have much more to offer, because I don’t have a lot of access to kink, or even just sex, most of the time. I am stuck in my broken body, wanting things I can’t reach. My partner is ace, and I don’t have the physical capacity do much more than capture the occasional nude in the bath, or while getting dressed, a mammoth task by itself. I don’t write about fucking. I don’t put words on the page that turn people on – I am not even sure I know how to.
It has taken me several weeks to wrestle with this in my mind, and to come to a place of acceptance of myself and my voice. I started this blog in part because I was horny. I was struggling with what it meant to be a sexual being in a broken body that no longer functioned the way I needed it to, with the desire to change the way I perceived my body and learn to love it better, and with the longing to be part of something that looked incredible. A sex positive world seemed wonderful to me, and even though it all seemed out of reach now that I was disabled, I wanted to be a part of it. And though my body refuses to conform, my mind has always been a hothouse of horn. My respectable outsides can be very deceiving.
My voice does matter. My experience of sex and sexuality may be coloured by my childhood exposure to purity culture as well as my disability, but these are stories that matter too, and are part of the wider story in sex blogging. So I hope that you will continue to allow me my simple nudes, when those are all I have the energy for, and that as I explore new experiences and new people I will be able to be brave enough to share more of the fun stuff. Because I do write about fucking. It is just as yet unpublished.
I love you sharing your voice, because you help make sex inclusive to those of us who, like you, feel on the margins of the sex Discourse. You make me feel heard too, and I’m thankful for that. I love your images, I find in them the range of emotions we all feel: happy, sad, empowered, doubting, but always interesting. Your body is beautiful and I’m glad you share it with us regularly.
Thank you KP. I am so so glad that what I do makes you feel heard and included. That means the world to me.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from sex blogging, it’s that no one is broken.
Your picture is fantastic and emotive and is just as good … and sexy … if not more so, than many others.
So be brave and publish your stories. I think you’d be pleasantly surprised by the response.
Oh, I expect my body might have a few things to say to that. I’m currently dealing with pain in all of the major muscles groups, and am struggling to lift my head – mostly likely just because I sought an orgasm a few days ago. What fun! Thank you though. I will start thinking about how to put what is in my head on the page more often.
I’m sorry I didn’t know about any disability but I do read your writing and would love to read any of your more sexy writing it sounds like you just need a little more confidence. Try it sometime
Thanks for writing this, I am not going to insult you by offering advice, I do though think you have more going for you than you at the moment give yourself credit for, I hope that you see that yourself soon.
The reason your blog is on the Top 100 Sex Blog list is because it deserved to be. Your work here is varied and beautiful, often thoughtful and poignant. Sex blogging is a many varied thing and isn’t always directly about the act of sex itself but about all the other stuff that makes us sexual being.
Also your self portraits are stunning. You have an amazing eye and skill for capturing images and I beg to differ that they are ‘simple’ sometimes they may appear to be to be but that is a skill in an of itself. You are a creative artist. You inspire me.
I hope you find the confidence to write more this year and explore that aspect of things too.
Molly
Thank you Molly. Your words are kind and generous and make me feel all the feels. I am so lucky to be included. I think we all experience a bit of imposter syndrome from time to time, but I’m glad to have been able to talk about it openly and I hope that I can find more words – and the courage to share them.
Thank you for all you have given us and shared with us over the last year.
You are a treasure here. When you do publish, please let us know where to find that.
You, your words, your thoughts and your voice are very valid. Sex isn’t always purely about sex, it’s about our sexuality and how we are impacted by life, the universe and everything!