A couple of weeks ago, I passed my first twitter anniversary as mywildlens. It has been a wonderful, life-changing experience, and despite my continued disability I feel like a completely different person now to the one I was last year, without colour or life.
In part, I wanted to reconnect with my body, to learn to love it again despite everything it has been through since I caught covid in March 2020. Inevitably my body has changed – sitting or lying down for most of the time will do that to you, but as well as loving a growing body I have also had to learn to love a weak one; a body that won’t obey my instructions. The Twitter community, and Sinful Sunday in particular have really enabled me to find the beauty and joy in myself in a way that nothing else has in my 40 years on this planet.
I was in the process of deconstructing some old belief systems even before I became a part of this wonderful, sexy, kinky community. Being welcomed in has enabled me to figure out new ways to think, connected me with wonderful resources, and started me on the path to reconstructing a new world view. One of those new systems has been in my relationship with my partner, as well as my own sexuality.
Being sick has forced me to confront my needs, wants and desires as well as my past. It has highlighted everything I have missed by growing up with a set of rigid rules, and everything that I want to catch up on. And so the second reason that I joined in was to embrace the part of myself that wanted adventure. I have always had a wild heart. It was tamed at an early age. Caged, for the most part. I have been longing to break out for most of my life, and even though I am living with restrictions now that are out of my control, I am done being caged. I know now more than ever what it is to miss out, and I want to make the most of every opportunity I can.
It has been a complex process, and it has had to be a slow gentle one, but I am excited to be on the cusp of new adventures with new people, in whatever way might be possible. Perhaps I may even have things to add to KOTW one of these days.
I am hoping that I can come back to life, and into colour.